Damn, I guess I can write January off for an update huh? I think I blinked and missed the month! Things are finally back to normal now so I figure I should sit down and write up a post. There is so much that I want to write but I'm not sure if I'm going to put any of it down. At least not here.

I'm thinking about ending this blog. I've actually been thinking about doing it for a while. That's probably the real reason why I haven't been posting as much lately. I'm not done with blogging because I love it but I think I need to start fresh. There are people that read this that know me and well, that's kind of weird to me. I know that might sound harsh but I put some personal shit on here and knowing that people I know now know some of my personal stuff and not knowing who weirds me out. Wow, that was a mouthful, did that make sense at all??? I don't think I have put any posts on here that are too bad but to be honest with you I don't even remember what I post so I'm sure I've said some stuff that's pissed people off at some point. My blog has caused problems in the past because of things I've posted and since then I've been careful about what I write. I don't want to do that, I want to be able to write what I want without worrying about who's going to read it and who I might piss off. So I think the best thing to do is to finish this one up and start another somewhere else in cyber space.

If any of you want to know where my new blog is then just drop me a line and I'll send you a link when I get it set up. My e-mail addy is on the bottom of the page.

I hope you all have enjoyed reading my blog as much as I enjoyed writing it!!!!!

I was going to write a post about how my New Years was because it actually turned out to be pretty good but my grandfather passed away on Wednesday so I have been preoccupied with that right now.

So far my brothers family, my mum and dad, my uncle and various other family members have been flying in so it has been an exhausting week so far.

So bear with me, I will update when I get more time.

I just noticed that this is going to be my 200th post. That's not bad for 10 months. So I figure that this should be my last post for the year. So for my year end review, where do I start?

"The struggle of 04" as Sam likes to call it is drawing to a close and I hate to say it, but I'm kinda glad.

What have I learned in 2004? A lot of things...

I've learned that it's a good idea not to burn my bridges

I've learned that my boss did realize that I was a hard worker

I've learned that a bad Christmas speech will always be remembered

I've learned that my family will always be there

I've learned that people are selfish

I've learned that people sometimes judge others too quickly

I've learned how to get air on my snowboard

I've learned that having health insurance is a good thing

I've learned that not everyone wants to work hard, I'm learning to deal with it

I've learned that guilt is a good thing

I've learned (again) that there is no such thing as no strings attached sex

I've learned that smoking sucks

I've learned that I don't have enough will power to quit smoking

I've learned (again and again) that hangovers really do suck

I've learned that puking up in the back of your friends car is not cool

I've learned when to say I've had enough

I've learned that friends come and go but it's the good ones that are still by my side

I've learned that sometimes I have to do things that I don't want to

I've learned that tanning booths really can burn your bare ass

I've learned that even my best friend can lie to my face

I've learned that I have way too much porn on my computer

I've learned that 3 people in a relationship is 1 too many

I've learned to trust my own judgment

I've learned to actually listen to people

I've learned to keep my mouth shut

I've learned that I can get busted by US customs

I've learned that falling off my quad isn't so bad

I've learned that I don't have to settle

I've learned that settling down wouldn't be so bad

I've learned that good things can come out of shit situations

I've learned that having roommates suck

I've learned that real life sucks

I've learned that life is what you make of it

I've learned that Karma really does seem to work

I've learned that people do stupid shit and I can't always be there to stop them

I've learned that I don't have enough energy to keep everyone happy all the time

I've learned that I can't take everyone's pain away

I've learned that there are some things in this world that I just can't fix

I've learned that it's ok

I'm sure there is much more that I have learned but those are the ones that stick in my mind the most.

I think for me the year has been about friendship. It's been about the ups and downs that come with interacting with people. I feel like I have made some good friends this year and I've also stengthened some of my old friendships. I've also lost a really good friend. She really was the one person that I could talk to for hours and hours about anything and everything. Having good friends is what really makes me feel at home. It's not so much about the family because for me, I have always been close with my family but they have been far away. I told my family after all the gifts had been opened on Christmas Day that all of these gifts meant nothing compared to the memories and the love. Those things can't be regifted! I'm a sentimental fucker sometimes.

2004 has been a bit of a shit year for work, but it's ending on a really good note. I started out being isolated and making rubber band balls and by the end of the year I'm locking and processing million dollar loans and I'm also helping to get mutli-million dollar accounts. I guess you could say that I've come a long way in a year! The year has also been an eye opener for me too. A while back I had just about reached my tether and so I started looking for work elsewhere. The scary part is that there isn't much out there that is available, but what's scarier is that there is even less out there that will pay me what I'm making now! I sometimes wonder if I'm going to be stuck in the mortgage business till the end of my days. Watch this space...

So what's in store for me in 2005? I don't know but I do have a good feeling about it. I'm starting the year on a much better note and the road before me seems brighter than ever.

Some things I would like to do in 2005 would be:

Quit smoking

Get back in shape

Wow, the first 2 are such cliches!

Go skydiving again

Get a new truck

Learn how to ride a wheelie for way longer than I do now

Find an awesome girl

Learn to let things go -I don't think I'll ever learn this one!

Get closure on the whole thing with Ryan

Go on more road trips

Learn how to cook

See my nephew in person

Learn how to do even more at work

Learn to pay attention to detail at work more

Pay my parents back

Get a new bed

There are more things that I would like to accomplish and there are some things that I took off the list because I realized that those things make me who I am. I don't want to change that.

I would say that there are only a few real lows in 2004 for me:

Working at Umpqua Bank

The whole Ryan thing

The whole Jill/W/Me thing

The whole Alan/Halloween thing

Some highlights of 2004 for me where:

Getting air on my snowboard

Getting a new job

The trip to Seattle

Memorial Day weekend

Seeing my parents

My trip to Vietnam

Meeting Sam

Dressing up as a woman

Moving in to my own apartment on my own

Realizing that I really do have some great friends

Getting a huge box of Mozzarella sticks

Getting my mini bike

Beating Sam at Quakey

Realizing that maybe I'm not as much of an asshole as I thought I was

Falling off my quad for the first time and having my Dad there to witness it

The struggle of 04 coming to an end!

I would love to finish this post with a deep and meaningful message to leave you with on your journey in to 05 but I'm not sure if I would come up with anything good. So I guess I'll just leave you with this.

Don't fight the flow, and learn from your mistakes!

See you in 2005!!!

English

A Sunday night conversation on the weekends events...


tbe_english: sorry I'm tired
tbe_english: didn't get much sleep this weekend

willow : that's because you where partying to much *cheeky grin*

tbe_english: it was more like a gathering

tbe_english: and Jessica was being a fucking bitch
tbe_english: so it wasn't actually much fun at all

willow : sounds about right
willow : where did u meet up with her?


tbe_english: we took her out last night
tbe_english: Sam and I picked her up

willow : so I take it you haven't screwed her yet?


tbe_english: probably never will
tbe_english: I'm done with her
tbe_english: she winds me up way to much to even be a fuck buddy


willow : wow, that's pretty bad

tbe_english: yeah it is

willow : where did u go?

tbe_english: to Sams sisters house

willow : Aaww

willow : and she was being bitchy there.........why?

tbe_english: cos I made a comment earlier in the week that she didn't like

willow : usually when you are around people you don't know you don't act like a bitch is all

tbe_english: and, against my better judgment I apologized

willow : what comment was that?

tbe_english: I made a remark about her using men to score drinks at bars
tbe_english: and she was rubbing it in my face all friggin night

willow : and why is she still harping on about it?

tbe_english: she was only being a bitch to me,

willow : did anyone else notice it?
willow : I mean that she was only bitchy to you

tbe_english: probably not

tbe_english: I felt quite special that she focused 100% of her bitchiness on me

willow : That is NEVER good
willow : well at least you didn't put much energy into her

tbe_english: nope

willow : good riddance to bad rubbish...and all that

tbe_english: I didn't even bother whipping out the charm card on this one
tbe_english: yup

willow : yeah...well she wouldn't know how to deal with charm

tbe_english: I'm just gonna inflate the doll for the time being, at least she doesn't talk back...

willow : EEWWW

tbe_english: LMAO

willow : what about the sheep
willow : it might be lonely for you

tbe_english: I gave her away remember? (May 22nd & 23rd)

willow : You SLUT
willow : hee hee

tbe_english: yup

willow : Well, I'm sure the doll has a better.......OK I won't even go there
willow : that is just wrong

tbe_english: yeah it is!

willow : We'll find you a good female........and not the inflatable one either

tbe_english: yup, I'm lying in wait...

It's time for a way over due update...

Where do I start? It's been so long since I updated. I suppose my last real update was after Halloween. Damn that was a long time ago! A lot has happened since then. Some of it good, some of it bad and some is just my usual meanderings through life.

I really have been busy getting stuck in with work which is good because it's been a long time since I've actually enjoyed working hard and feel like I'm doing something productive. I've been putting in a lot of overtime which is always good.

It's amazing how things really have changed for me workwise. So much so that I even get on with Kristen and Stacey now. I still don't really trust Kristen 100% so I still have to watch what I say because I wouldn't doubt that if I say something she could use to make me look bad then she wouldn't hesitate.

Stacey and me seem to be doing pretty well. Saying that I think she has a thing for me and I'm just not in to her. Last night I was at my boss's house for her christmas party and Stacey got drunk and really annoying. After a while she just wouldn't leave me alone and she kept trying to kiss me and was busy telling me that she was going to stay at my place for the night. Ahem, I don't think so. Aggressive girls are fine but not desperately aggressive. Desperation is just not endearing to me. I'll take the diplomatic route on Monday and not say anything about it. Hopefully she won't either!

I can't help but feel like I'm being tested somehow at work right now. My boss is creating a Customer Service Dept and she promoted Kristen to be the supervisor of said department. So if that wasn't bad enough one of the new girls who I don't particularly like is moving in to that department to work along side me. The reason why the new girl is changing positions is because she can't handle the position she was hired for. So we are back to the old routine of if you do a shit job then we'll just move you in to a different area. What a great idea, I mean, don't demote or fire them, just shuffle them around if they do a shit job. Lateral moves are a great idea! So the reason I feel like I'm being tested is because out of everyone I could be placed to work with I get placed with the 2 people I don't really like in my office. I get on with everyone else 100%. Needless to say it will be interesting to see how this all unravels.

So enough about work, on to my personal life. My social life has actually been pretty good. I mean it usually is pretty good but I've been hanging out with Sam a lot more and we have been doing quite a bit. After the whole episode on Halloween I haven't really seen much of Alan. Actually I haven't really seen much of him since I got back from Nam. I think since I've been back we've been for a drink once. Even then it seemed like a chore and he didn't hang around for very long. I don't really know why he has been so distant. At first I thought it was because of work and his new girlfriend but he has ditched her so he doesn't have that excuse any more. He just doesn't seem to want to hang out much more. Plus after Halloween I lost quite a bit of respect for him. If he wants to hang out that's cool but to be honest I don't really care.

So like I said, me and Sam have been hanging out a lot more lately. We seem to have a pretty similar view on things and so we have a pretty good time. We were bored one weekend and looking for inspiration and so we decided to head North to Seattle for the night. I love hanging out with people who have the lust for life to do crazy shit on a whim and also are financially stable enough to be able to do said things. When I was with my ex we used to take off for weekends all the time and the plans were usually decided at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon. Seattle was a blast. The girls up there have such a different mentality to the freaks in Oregon. In Oregon the girls are little princesses. Fat, greasy pajama wearing princesses. If you look in their direction then you'd better be ready for the nose up look away play from them. I really don't know how the girls in this state got the confidence they have. I can only assume it's because the guy girl ratio is in their favor. Because it certainly isn't because of their good looks, their great careers or their fashion sense! Seattle, on the other hand from what I experienced is full of pleasant, personable, good looking, well dressed girls. It was so nice to be able to say hi to a girl and have her say hi back and then be able to hold a conversation without constant fear of the inevitable brush off! It's amazing how much of a difference 150 miles makes! Needless to say I'm sure Sam and I will be making more trips to Seattle in 05.

We also went riding in the hills one weekend. That was a muddy cold day of fun. I don't think there was a clean part on my quad! It was a blast though because I don't really get too dirty riding on the sand so blasting through puddles all day was a welcome change. I work in an office so Monday thru Friday I need to be clean and well presented. So when I go riding on the weekends I just want to get as dirty as possible!

Another interesting weekend was the weekend of the OAMP convention. This is a once a year deal where all the mortgage people in Oregon and Washington get together and meet, sell, bullshit and drum up new business. Our boss got 3 hotel rooms because she told me that if I was going I would not be driving. She described it as a drunkfest. No surprise there really seeing as drinking and schmoozing is what mortgage people do best! The actual convention itself was great. I got to see some old faces and also see some new ones. I got to practice my shop talk and generally get a better picture of what's going on in the field while I'm stuck in the office. After the convention several companies had hospitality suites that were crammed full of people, alcohol and food. So we cruised the suites stopping occasionally to chat or top up our drinks. I was enjoying myself because of the visual delights that were before me. After a while we headed to the bar and after that the night pretty much turned in to the drunkfest that I was promised. I managed to almost get in a fight with one of our clients who was drunk but I didn't think that getting in a fight in front of people I work with and our clients would be a good idea. So I just walked outside, had a smoke and collected myself. I must be growing up. I still haven't decided if that's a good thing or not yet. I managed to meet up with my favorite broker from down south that I haven't seen in ages. We exchanged cards and the usual how have you been banter and I told them I would catch up with them later on. At about 2:30 the rest of my team where all heading to bed but I was still feeling energized and ready to party. So I called up the girls from down South and sure enough, they were still up. So I headed over to their hotel room with as many beer cans as I could fit in my jacket dodging security guards on my way. I ended up getting the 20 sexual questions from one of the girls and I took great delight in answering every single one until she had no more questions to ask. She had never done that with anyone before who answered every question. I was glad to be her first. It was 4:30 in the morning and I figured I had probably over stayed my welcome so I stagger out the door, across the hotel and like a stealthy ninja, who had way way too much to drink, I slipped in to my hotel room. 2 of my colleagues were sleeping so I kept the light off, stumbled across the room, took my jacket off, spilt my beer all over my jacket, fell over hit my head on the wall and the night, for me, was done.

Those were probably the main highlights since I last updated. I'm sure there is more that I'm missing but I can't remember them right now. Also, I started this post 2 weeks ago and I have just finally found the time to finish it up so I figured it was time to get it posted!
The "struggle of '04" as Sam calls it, is almost over... =)

me and the Raptor enjoying the view! 

the Banshee dirty and stuck! 

Procrastination is a bitch.


I have so much stuff crammed in my head that I want to write about but I just don't have enough time to do it. After work my brain is usually too fried and so the last thing I want to do is to translate my thoughts in to a post that is readable.

I hope you are doing well and I hope I can start updating again soon if my crazy ass life slows down a bit!!!

The shit has just hit the fan...